Monty Python and the Big XII - Part 2

(If you missed part 1, it's right here.)

Accompanied by his trusty servant, King Texas surveys the northern lands of his shrinking empire.

Coconuts_medium  *CLOP-CLOP* *CLOP-CLOP* *CLOP-CLOP*

Arthur1_medium OLD WOMAN!
Paul1_medium  Man!
Arthur1_medium  Old Man, Sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
Paul1_medium  I'm forty-three!

Arthur1_medium  What?
Paul1_medium  I'm forty-three -- I'm not old!
Arthur1_medium  Well I can't just call you "Man!"
Paul1_medium  Well you could say "Paul."

Arthur1_medium  Well I didn't know you were called "Paul"
Paul1_medium  Well you didn't bother to find out, did you?
Arthur1_medium I did say sorry about the "Old Woman" remark, but from behind you looked...
Paul1_medium  What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!
Arthur1_medium  Well I AM King...
Paul1_medium  Oh, King huh? Very Nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated Imperialist Dogma and unfair revenue sharing contracts that perpetuate the economic and social differences in our conference! If there's ever going to be any progress...

Snyder_medium  Paul, there's some lovely filth down here. *looks up* Oh, how d'you do?


Arthur1_medium  How do you do, good lady? I am Texas, King of the Big Twelve. Whose castle is that?
Snyder_medium King of the who?
Arthur1_medium  The Big Twelve.
Snyder_medium Who are the Big Twelve?
Arthur1_medium  Well, we all are. We're all in the Big Twelve, and I am your King.
Snyder_medium  I didn't know we had a King. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
Paul1_medium  You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship! A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the lower classes...
Arthur1_medium  Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
Snyder_medium  Castle Osborne? No one lives there anymore.
Arthur1_medium  Then who is your lord?
Snyder_medium  We don't have a lord!

Arthur1_medium  What?
Paul1_medium  I told you, we're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take turns to act as sort of an executive officer for the year.
Arthur1_medium  Yes.
Paul1_medium  But all decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a series of weekly meetings in the fall.
Arthur1_medium  Yes, I see.
Paul1_medium  By a simple majority in the case of internal affairs...
Arthur1_medium  Be quiet!
Paul1_medium  ...but by a two-thirds majority in the case of external affairs...
Arthur1_medium  Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
Snyder_medium  Order, eh? Who does he think he is?
Arthur1_medium  I am your King!

Snyder_medium  Well I didn't vote for you!
Arthur1_medium  You don't vote for Kings.
Snyder_medium  Well how'd you become King then?
Arthur1_medium  The lady of the Great Lakes, Danielle Beebe, her arm clad in the purest shimmering Armani, held aloft an exclusive television contract from the bosom of the city of fountains, signifying that by divine providence that I, Texas, was to be King of the Big Twelve. That is why I am your King!
Paul1_medium  Listen, incompetent former Ohio Valley Conference commissioners distributing contracts under threat of their conference disbanding is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical conference realignment ceremony!
Arthur1_medium  BE QUIET!
Paul1_medium  Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some idiot in a suit threw some money at you to keep you from leaving.
Arthur1_medium SHUT UP!
Paul1_medium  I mean, if I went around saying I was emperor because Wright Waters lobbed a stack of papers at me, they'd put me away!
Paul1_medium  Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system!
Arthur1_medium  SHUT UP! *SMACK*
Arthur1_medium  Bloody Peasant!
Paul1_medium  What a give away! Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?
Arthur1_medium  Oh, the hell with this! Come, A&M!

Coconuts_medium  *CLOP-CLOP* *CLOP-CLOP* *CLOP-CLOP*


To be continued...

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