Citing an abnormally long streak of good luck for Iowa State athletics, Cyclone fans around the nation began preparing for the inevitable disaster that is soon to befall them. The past month has unfolded without a single catastrophe within the major sports programs, and has even included a string of successes:
- May 15: Top 2012 target Georges Niang commits to play basketball for Iowa State.
- May 22: 2011 prospect Percy Gibson commits to play basketball for Iowa State, potentially filling the void left by Calvin Godfrey's early departure.
- May 31: Work begins on new sound & video board in Jack Trice stadium. Construction proceeds swiftly; with no construction workers decapitated or errant machinery destroying the Jacobsen building.
- June 8: New $20 M football facility announced. Jaime Pollard does not yell "PSYCH!" immediately after announcement.
- June 20: Top 2012 target Nkereuwem Okoro commits to play basketball for Iowa State. Big XII announcers knit brows in frustration at pronunciation of name.
- June 21: 2012 DT prospect Mitchell Meyers commits to play football for Iowa State, helping shore up a position of great need for the football team. A disappointed Tommy Tuberville ominously insists Meyers’ recruitment "isn’t over."
This run of good news has prompted certain sects of Cyclone fans to start preparing for the worst, as years of mediocrity and heartbreak have conditioned them expect a calamitous event to follow any triumph.
"It’s just my nature as a fan of Cyclone sports," Kansas City, MO resident Eric Cameron sighed. "Hell, last summer the football team was coming off its first bowl win in six years and a goddamn flood nearly destroyed the athletic complex."
His wife Jennifer agrees: "We’ve been supporters of Iowa State for twenty years and we’ve seen it all. Missed opportunities, winless seasons, coaches leaving, players transferring…it all adds up. After a while, you start to wonder if anything good can happen for ISU."
Some fans have even started searching for the next disaster, perhaps hoping to prevent larger misfortune by focusing on smaller events. "Duran Hollis was suspended, that’s something, right?" Des Moines resident Adam Lopez asked. "I mean, he’s fourth-string; but man, you can never have too many good running backs."
But not all Cyclone fans are focusing on the tragic side of Iowa State sports. Some, like Chicago, IL resident Jason Helm have chosen to embrace the run of good luck as an omen of ISU’s bright future. "Maybe, just maybe things are turning around for Iowa State," Helm said, gazing off at the horizon. "I’m pretty excited to see how the Clones do next year."
* Immediately following this story, Jason Helm’s car was towed, impounded and crushed into a cube for being parked in a fire lane.