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Eponymous: The Quest for Superior Nomenclature

 

What's in a name? Chances are, if you're playing for Iowa State this year, it includes an apostrophe and some very high-scoring scrabble letters. Seriously, have you taken a look at the full roster for the upcoming season? There are some very... original names on that list. So, in the interest of having some football content that isn't related to our continued quest for 2nd place in the Fulmer Cup, I thought we could share some insight on some of the lesser known players on the team. Then, after I realized that would actually take some diligent research and insight, I decided it would be much easier to just make stuff up and see if anyone noticed. Also, the blog needs an obligatory bracket competition, because if there's one thing America loves, it's getting to choose between two completely arbitrary options and defending their choice to the death. (Coke v. Pepsi, Republican v. Democrat, Miracle Whip vs. Mayo, etc.)

So welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to "Eponymous," a thinly-veiled Name of the Year tournament ripoff that will go down in Cyclone history as "something we did because we were bored and football season was still two months away."

The rules are simple - the field has been chosen by an extremely partial committee and seeded according to percieved strength-of-name. The roster has been pared down to the 32 most outstanding names, broken into four regions based loosely on their on-field position. Every couple of days, we make some shit up about whatever matchup is at hand, and provide a two-option poll. The name with the most votes at the end of 48 hours advances to the next round.

 

With that in mind, I present to you the bracket for EPONYMOUS 2011:

 

Bracket_medium

Much like the real NCAA tournament, the bracket has some quirks. The "Defense" regional, despite a high concentration of superfluous apostrophes, is the weakest of the four, and a couple of names (Mulcahy, Lalk) on the Defensive side actually play offense. And at least one person was given an artificially high seed simply because their name would not have fit on the bracket otherwise. (And no, it wasn't Ruempolhamer.)

The time has come to take a side. Do you prefer the sheer manly sound of "Steele Jantz" or the alliteration of "Hayworth Hicks?" Will this be the dawning of the age of Ja'Quarius? Are hyphens better than apostrophes? Only time will tell. Until then, it's time to light the ceremonial flame. Gentlemen?

Collegehumor

May the best name win.

 

(Sorry about the lame CH watermark, it's the only version of this I could still find on the tubes.)

 


This FanPost does not necessarily represent the opinions of Clone Chronicles or SB Nation.

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