By now, you may have heard that running back DeVondrick Nealy was cited early Wednesday morning for having a BB gun on central campus. While this certainly sets the bar high for incoming freshman jackassery, it's not likely Nealy will face any criminal prosecution other than the steely glare of Paul Rhoads. But considering the nature of the offense, it might be interesting to compare Nealy to that other infamous proponent of BB guns; Ralphie from A Christmas Story. After the jump, let's look at the pros & cons of each individual to see who is truly the most avid BB gun fan in history.
| Name | DeVondrick Nealy | Ralphie | Winner |
| Position | Iowa State running back | Long-suffering son of Darrin McGavin & Melinda Dillon, resides on Cleveland St |
Nealy |
| Weapon of Choice |
(Presumably) Generic BB Gun | Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action 200-Shot Range Model Air Rifle with a compass & stock & this thing that tells time! |
Ralphie |
| Haunting Quote | "If you got a gun up in your waist, please don't shoot up the place" - Notorious B.I.G. | "You'll shoot your eye out!" - Everyone | Ralphie |
| Hype | 9th-ranked all-purpose back in 2011 |
Beat up Scut Farkus in a fight | Nealy, but it was close. Have you seen Scut Farkus?! Kid has yellow eyes & green teeth! |
| Hardships Overcome |
Fully recovered from broken leg in early 2010 |
Dropped the F-bomb in front of Dad, Santa Claus stepped on face, forced to wear pink bunny suit | Ralphie in a landslide |
| Moment of Shame | Cited by campus police for running around central campus with a BB gun at 3:00 AM | Broke glasses when testing out BB gun for the first time Christmas morning, concocted elaborate lie involving falling icicle |
Nealy. C'mon dude |
So it's actually a 3-3 tie! But the nod is going to go to Nealy, based on the fact that Ralphie is ten years old and a fictional character. So yeah, kudos DeVondrick. Hopefully after running the stairs at Jack Trice stadium this summer, Nealy will put his trusty Red Ryder away for good
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